Sunday morning I found myself crying in church again. I had made it through the 8:00 service just fine, but by the end of the 10:15, right after communion, I found myself kneeling and praying and overcome by the blessings I have received over the past six months.
When I look at the people at this church who have touched my life, when I think of all the ways that God has transformed my life, has transformed me—I just can’t fathom, I just can’t wrap my brain around it all.
How can this possibly be my life now?
When am I going to wake up?
One of my favorite novels of all time is Holes by Louis Sachar. It is a book for kids, but its theme of redemption and healing, I think speaks to everyone.
In Holes, Stanley Yelnets finds himself sent to Camp Green Lake for stealing a pair of shoes. Though Stanley is innocent of the crime, he accepts what is happening to him because he and his family believe that they were cursed generations ago when Stanley’s great-great grandfather failed to live up to a promise he made to an old gypsy woman.
Stanley and his father live a life where they always expect bad things to happen to them. They expect failure.
Holes is not only Stanley’s story, though. It is also his great-great grandfather’s and it is also the story of a school teacher named Kate Barlow. It is the story of how all these people’s lives intertwine and how finally the curse is broken due to the inherent goodness and persistence of Stanley.
We all go through times in our lives when we feel like we must be cursed, when nothing seems to go right, when every little thing that can go wrong, does go wrong. We become like Stanley Yelnets and his father. We begin to think that failure is the natural order of things and when good things do happen, we can’t enjoy them because we think that something bad must be right around the corner.
It’s why I’m so terrified of waking up from this marvelous dream.
On Sunday I told Judy B. about that fear, about wondering when I’m going to wake up.
And she just smiled and said, “You’re awake now.”
What a beautiful thing to say. There is no fear of waking up. There is no fear of the dream ending.
Because I’m awake … now.
